{"id":5854,"date":"2025-02-13T11:10:35","date_gmt":"2025-02-13T11:10:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/site.itshrt.com\/worldnews\/i-regret-how-i-treated-my-kids\/"},"modified":"2025-02-13T11:10:35","modified_gmt":"2025-02-13T11:10:35","slug":"i-regret-how-i-treated-my-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/site.itshrt.com\/worldnews\/i-regret-how-i-treated-my-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"I Regret How I Treated My Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ItShrt World News -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"1882483372\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\r\n<br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">You can do one of three things with your pain: run from it (denial, compartmentalization), drown in it (rumination) or make friends with it. Making friends with your pain means letting it sit next to you, and starting a conversation with it. This internal dialogue might sound something like:<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\"><strong class=\"css-8qgvsz ebyp5n10\"><em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\">You:<\/em><\/strong><em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\"> Welcome, old friend. I remember meeting you at the airport nearly 60 years ago. You came rushing into my life, but I pushed you away. I thought I could get rid of you by plowing forward, creating a more stable family than the one I had and excelling at my career. But I\u2019m tired of running from you. So sit with me. Maybe I can learn something from you after all?<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\"><strong class=\"css-8qgvsz ebyp5n10\"><em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\">Your pain:<\/em><\/strong><em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\"> Perhaps I can help you see that your father\u2019s actions weren\u2019t a reflection of how worthy of love you were, but instead of his inability to properly love. That must have been very hard to understand at 8 years old. You deserved to have a loving, present father. And while you wish you had been able to control your anger with your children, I can see how anyone with your background might have struggled in this way. I hope you\u2019ll show yourself some compassion and consider that exploring this now gives you the opportunity to relate to yourself and others differently. I\u2019m not here to hurt you \u2014 I\u2019m here to help you move forward.<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Engaging in this kind of dialogue and acknowledging the context in which you lost your temper will help you to feel less ashamed and take action. That action might include working with a therapist to make meaning of your childhood through an adult lens, gain tools for self-regulation in your relationships and work through your grief about your own childhood and that of your children.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">You can also begin a dialogue with your children \u2014 not to seek their forgiveness, but to offer a sincere apology and invitation to learn how you can be there for them. You could start with something like:<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\"><em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\">I want to talk to you about something important. I now recognize that, during your childhood, I responded to situations with anger that was disproportionate and hurtful. The incident with the $10 \u2014 and other moments like it \u2014 were never truly about the mistake, but about my own unresolved pain and fears, which I am working through. I\u2019m deeply sorry I didn\u2019t recognize this earlier, and I apologize for the times I made you feel scared, small, criticized or unworthy. I\u2019m not asking for anything from you, but the opposite \u2014 if I can be there for you, as the father you need now, or can help heal something between us, that will be my top priority.<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">I don\u2019t know what your current relationships with your children are like, or what they will do with this. But the point is less about their response and more about transforming regret from a source of torment into a new opportunity to be the best possible father to them, in whatever way they feel comfortable, and also the best father you never had to yourself. The most profound healing often comes from acknowledging that we are not defined by our worst moments, but by our capacity to learn, grow and repair.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-798hid etfikam0\"><strong class=\"css-8qgvsz ebyp5n10\">Want to Ask the Therapist?<\/strong> If you have a question, email <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2025\/02\/13\/well\/mind\/mailto:AskTheTherapist@nytimes.com\" title=\"\">askthetherapist@nytimes.com<\/a>. By submitting a query, you agree to our <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/help.nytimes.com\/hc\/en-us\/articles\/360004901454-Reader-Submission-Terms\" title=\"\">reader submission terms<\/a>. This column is not a substitute for professional medical advice.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ItShrt World News -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"1882483372\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\r\n<br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2025\/02\/13\/well\/mind\/bad-father-regret.html\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You can do one of three things with your pain: run from it (denial, compartmentalization), drown in it (rumination) or<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5855,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[2358,2357,1539,1621],"class_list":["post-5854","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health-2","tag-anger-emotion","tag-parenting","tag-psychology-and-psychologists","tag-therapy-and-rehabilitation"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>I Regret How I Treated My Kids - World News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/site.itshrt.com\/worldnews\/i-regret-how-i-treated-my-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" 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