{"id":12368,"date":"2025-03-12T15:08:39","date_gmt":"2025-03-12T15:08:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/site.itshrt.com\/worldnews\/when-a-couples-drinking-habits-diverge\/"},"modified":"2025-03-12T15:08:39","modified_gmt":"2025-03-12T15:08:39","slug":"when-a-couples-drinking-habits-diverge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/site.itshrt.com\/worldnews\/when-a-couples-drinking-habits-diverge\/","title":{"rendered":"When a Couple\u2019s Drinking Habits Diverge"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ItShrt World News -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"1882483372\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\r\n<br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-0\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Casey and Mike Davidson always enjoyed drinking together.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">The couple, both 49, met after college while working as consultants at the same firm. Romance blossomed over work happy hours, then time spent lingering over a bottle of wine on long dates.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">In their mid-20s, the pair moved to Seattle and made a group of friends who were always up for a drink. Afternoons were for hiking, kayaking and sipping beers on Lake Union; evenings were for rollicking, boozy dinner parties.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">But by their 30s, their drinking habits diverged. Ms. Davidson drank a bottle of wine by herself most nights, and felt increasingly uneasy about it, while Mr. Davidson settled into life as a self-described \u201csingle-beer-a-night drinker.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cI was really defensive about my drinking,\u201d Ms. Davidson said, adding, \u201cI didn\u2019t want him watching me every time I poured a third glass of wine.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-1\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Like the Davidsons, many couples have had to grapple with the role alcohol plays in their partnership \u2014 even if neither party drinks to the point where it causes clear, consistent problems at home, or takes an obvious toll on their health. Their relationship may still receive a shock when one partner decides to cut back or quit altogether.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cIt can drive a wedge between people in terms of how they socialize, how they relax and unwind, their <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2025\/01\/17\/well\/sober-sex-intimacy-connection.html\" title=\"\">bedroom activities<\/a>,\u201d said Ruby Warrington, the author of \u201cSober Curious.\u201d \u201cIt can be really uncomfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">We asked couples, and experts on substance use, how to navigate changing tolerances for drinking within a relationship.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"css-1u37br4 eoo0vm40\" id=\"link-6463df01\">Finding New Pathways for Connection<\/h2>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Ms. Davidson, who now lives in Redmond, Wash., never hit the kind of dramatic rock bottom people tend to associate with heavy drinking, but at 40 she quit for good, and now works as a sobriety coach.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">She slept better and felt less anxious and foggy, but she also worried that her newfound sobriety might hurt her marriage. \u201cIt was scary for me to stop drinking, because I wondered how we would connect,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-2\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Research on alcohol and marital happiness suggests that couples who abstain and couples who drink heavily together tend to report comparable levels of relationship satisfaction.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">But problems can arise when one partner drinks regularly and the other doesn\u2019t, said Kenneth Leonard, director of the University at Buffalo\u2019s Clinical and Research Institute on Addictions, who has studied the topic for decades. That lopsided dynamic can lead to <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/17295562\/\" title=\"\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">relationship dissatisfaction<\/a> and increased chances of divorce.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">The reasons for that are likely to be complex, he said, though at a simple level, couples often drink to unwind and connect, and losing that may come with some cost initially. People often do not realize how ingrained alcohol is in their relationships, experts said, even if neither party has a substance use problem.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Julie Kraft, a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-author of \u201cThe Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction,\u201d said a major upside of the \u201c<a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2021\/12\/23\/well\/dry-january-mindful-drinking.html\" title=\"\">sober curious movement<\/a>\u201d and abstinence challenges like <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2024\/12\/26\/well\/eat\/dry-january-guide.html\" title=\"\">Dry January<\/a> is that they offer opportunities for self-reflection.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cAm I using alcohol for stress relief?\u201d she said. \u201cAm I using it to feel more connected to my partner? Am I using it to avoid my partner?\u201d One of the first things she discusses with couples looking to make changes is to brainstorm ways they might fill those spaces or needs.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-3\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">The Davidsons found connection points that didn\u2019t involve alcohol, like going to see live music on Saturday nights at a local cafe, browsing bookstores together and going to the movies.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Arthur Tindsley, 41, from Oxfordshire, England, also feared that sobriety would change his marriage. He grew up steeped in British pub culture, but in recent years, he and his wife have both looked critically at their drinking habits, going through long periods of abstinence.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Sitting down in a nice restaurant together and sharing a bottle of wine used to be one of his most cherished activities. \u201cAll of those entrenched, habitual ways that we are partners together have had to change, or are in a process of changing,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Their go-to date night now? \u201cIt\u2019s going to sound really boring,\u201d he said, \u201cbut we go on a walk.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"css-1u37br4 eoo0vm40\" id=\"link-2c8a036c\">Connecting With Your \u2018Why\u2019<\/h2>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">When working with couples in which one or both partners wants to moderate or stop drinking, Laura Heck, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Bend, Ore., emphasizes the importance of each individual understanding their own reasons for making the change.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cEach person has to connect with their own \u2018why\u2019\u201d Ms. Heck said, adding, \u201cI never want one person to lean into another person\u2019s goal and just tack it on.\u201d She offered her own relationship as an example: Her husband stopped drinking years ago because of a heart condition. Lately, Ms. Heck has been abstaining as well, but not because of him. She simply wants to better understand the ways in which drinking has become a habit for her \u2014 and to improve her marathon times.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-4\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Experts also emphasize that partners cannot force each other to change.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cOne thing we remind everyone is that their journey is their own,\u201d said Andrea Pain, executive director of Moderation Management, a nonprofit that runs peer support groups for those who want to cut back on their drinking. \u201cYou can\u2019t expect anyone to change what they\u2019re doing because you\u2019ve set this new intention for yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">The Davidsons acknowledge that they are lucky. Their marriage was fundamentally sound before Ms. Davidson quit drinking, she said, and Mr. Davidson never felt threatened by her decision, nor did he attempt to derail her efforts, something which she has seen happen among her coaching clients.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">The pair have found their rhythm: Mr. Davidson continues to drink in moderation, Ms. Davidson remains sober. \u201cThe way I think about it is: If I decided to become a vegetarian, that doesn\u2019t mean Mike has to be a vegetarian too,\u201d she said. \u201cBut he certainly wouldn\u2019t take me to a steakhouse.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ItShrt World News -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"1882483372\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\r\n<br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2025\/03\/12\/well\/family\/couples-sober-drinking-alcohol.html\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Casey and Mike Davidson always enjoyed drinking together. The couple, both 49, met after college while working as consultants at<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":12369,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[1635,4024,1930,4023,4022,4026,4021,4025],"class_list":["post-12368","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health-2","tag-alcohol-abuse","tag-and-limitless-presence-awaiting-us-all-on-the-other-side-of-alcohol-book","tag-dating-and-relationships","tag-deep-connection","tag-greater-focus","tag-ruby","tag-sober-curious-the-blissful-sleep","tag-warrington"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>When a Couple\u2019s Drinking Habits Diverge - World News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/site.itshrt.com\/worldnews\/when-a-couples-drinking-habits-diverge\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When a Couple\u2019s Drinking Habits Diverge - World News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Casey and Mike Davidson always enjoyed drinking together. 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