{"id":11239,"date":"2025-03-07T21:54:27","date_gmt":"2025-03-07T21:54:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/site.itshrt.com\/worldnews\/melody-beattie-author-of-a-self-help-best-seller-dies-at-76\/"},"modified":"2025-03-07T21:54:27","modified_gmt":"2025-03-07T21:54:27","slug":"melody-beattie-author-of-a-self-help-best-seller-dies-at-76","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/site.itshrt.com\/worldnews\/melody-beattie-author-of-a-self-help-best-seller-dies-at-76\/","title":{"rendered":"Melody Beattie, Author of a Self-Help Best Seller, Dies at 76"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ItShrt World News -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"1882483372\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\r\n<br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-0\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\"><a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.melodybeattie.com\/\" title=\"\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\">Melody Beattie<\/a>, whose experiences as a drug addict, a chemical dependency counselor and the wife of an alcoholic informed a best-selling book about codependence that has guided countless people to shed toxic relationships, died on Feb. 27 in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles. She was 76.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Her daughter, Nichole Beattie, said the cause was heart failure. She had been hospitalized from Nov. 30 to Dec. 12, then evacuated from her home in Malibu because of a wildfire and moved into her daughter\u2019s home, where she died.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">By popularizing the concept of codependence, Ms. Beattie (pronounced BEE-tee) became a literary star in the self-help world with \u201cCodependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Star Caring for Yourself\u201d (1986), which has sold more than seven million copies worldwide.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cYou could call her the mother of the self-help genre,\u201d said Nicole Dewey, the publishing director of Spiegel &amp; Grau, which has sold more than 400,000 copies of the book since taking over publication in 2022.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-1\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Trysh Travis, the author of \u201cThe Language of the Heart: A Cultural History of the Recovery Movement From Alcoholics Anonymous to Oprah Winfrey\u201d (2009), said in an interview that \u201cCodependent No More\u201d has succeeded because of Ms. Beattie\u2019s common-sense approach and \u201cvernacular charm.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">She added: \u201cThere had been other books and pamphlets published in the recovery space in the early 1980s. Melody made the same arguments, but her voice came across very clearly. It wasn\u2019t clinical \u2014 and she had a set of ideas that could be applied to many if not all the problems one was having \u2014 and it hit the market at the right time.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-2\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">In \u201cCodependent No More,\u201d Ms. Beattie cited various definitions of a codependent person. She also introduced one of her own.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cA codependent person,\u201d she wrote, \u201cis one who has let another person\u2019s behavior affect them and who is obsessed with controlling that other person\u2019s behavior.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-3\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">The other person, she wrote, might be a family member, a lover, a client or a best friend. But the focus of codependency \u201clies in ourselves, in the ways we let other people\u2019s behaviors affect us and in the ways we try to affect them\u201d \u2014 by actions that include controlling them, obsessively helping them and caretaking.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Recalling her difficult marriage to her second husband, David Beattie, who was also a substance abuse counselor, Ms. Beattie described an incident when he was in Las Vegas. She telephoned him in his hotel room, and he sounded as if he had been drinking. She implored him not to break his promise to her that he would not get drunk on this trip. He hung up on her.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">In desperation, she called the hotel repeatedly into the night, even as she was preparing to host a party for 80 people at their house in Minneapolis the next day.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cI thought if I can just <em class=\"css-2fg4z9 e1gzwzxm0\">talk<\/em> to him, I can make him stop drinking,\u201d she told The Minneapolis Star Tribune in 1988. But at 11 p.m., she stopped calling.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cSomething happened inside of me, and I let go of him,\u201d she said. \u201cI thought, \u2018If you want to drink, drink. \u2026\u2019 I gave his life back to him, and I started taking my own back.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-4\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">She said that was the first step in detaching herself from their mutual codependence. They eventually divorced.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Detachment, she wrote, \u201cis not a cold, hostile withdrawal\u201d or a \u201cPollyannish, ignorant bliss\u201d; rather, it is releasing \u201ca person or problem in love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">When should the release happen? she asked. Her list was long. It started: \u201cWhen we can\u2019t stop thinking, talking about, or worrying about someone or something; when our emotions are churning and boiling; when we feel like we have to do something about someone because we can\u2019t stand it another minute. \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-5\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Melody Lynn Vaillancourt was born on May 26, 1948, in Ramsey, Minn., and grew up mainly in St. Paul. Her father, Jean, a firefighter, was an alcoholic who left the family when Melody was 2. Her mother, Izetta (Lee) Vaillancourt, owned a nursing home after her divorce, but, Ms. Beattie said, beat her four siblings. (She escaped the punishment herself, she said, because she had a heart condition.)<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-6\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Melody was sexually molested by a stranger when she was 5; began drinking whiskey at 12; and started using amphetamines, barbiturates, LSD and marijuana in high school. By 20, she was shooting heroin. She also robbed pharmacies with a partner and, after being arrested, spent eight months in drug treatment in a state hospital.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">After being successfully treated, she held secretarial jobs before being hired as a chemical dependency counselor in Minneapolis, assigned to treat the wives of men in treatment. Her patients were uniformly angry and focused so much on their husbands\u2019 feelings that she found it nearly impossible to get them to express their own.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cEight years later, I understood those codependents, those crazy codependents \u2014 we didn\u2019t call them that, we called them significant others \u2014 because I had become one\u201d through her marriage to Mr. Beattie, she told The Star Tribune. \u201cAll I could think and talk about was the alcoholic, what he was or wasn\u2019t doing.\u201d She was, she said, \u201cfilled with anger and anger because he wouldn\u2019t stop drinking.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">While treating the women, living on welfare and writing freelance articles for a local paper, The Stillwater Gazette, she interviewed experts on codependence, hoping to write a book on the subject.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-7\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">She received a $500 advance from the publishing division of the Hazelden Foundation substance abuse recovery center, now called the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation. The book was published in 1986 and spent 129 weeks on The New York Times\u2019s advice and how-to best-seller list.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-8\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Ms. Beattie went on to write several other books, including \u201cThe Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency\u201d (1990), which has sold more than three million copies.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Writing in Newsweek in 2009, Dr. Drew Pinsky, the addiction medicine specialist and media personality, named \u201cCodependent No More\u201d one of the four best self-help books of all time. Ms. Beattie heavily revised it for a new edition that was published in 2022.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">In addition to her daughter, Ms. Beattie is survived by two grandsons; a sister, Michelle Vaillancourt; and a son, John Thurik, from her first marriage, to Steven Thurik, which ended in divorce. John was raised by his father and maternal grandmother.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Her marriages to Scott Mengshol and <a class=\"css-yywogo\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2015\/01\/25\/arts\/music\/dallas-taylor-drummer-for-crosby-stills-nash-young-dies-at-66.html\" title=\"\">Dallas Taylor,<\/a> who played drums with Crosby, Stills, Nash &amp; Young, also ended in divorce.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<div data-testid=\"companionColumn-9\">\n<div class=\"css-53u6y8\">\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Her son Shane Beattie died in a skiing accident in 1991 when he was 12, plunging her into grief. She wrote \u201cThe Lessons of Love: Rediscovering Our Passion for Life When It All Seems Too Hard to Take\u201d (1995) \u2014 a personal book, not a self-help guide \u2014 to describe her journey from a broken spirit to recovery.<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">Her first step was to write two letters, one of which said:<\/p>\n<p class=\"css-at9mc1 evys1bk0\">\u201cGod, I\u2019m still mad, not pleased at all. But with this letter, I commit unconditionally to life, to being here and being alive as long as I\u2019m here, whether that\u2019s another 10 days or another 30 years. Regardless of any other human being and their presence in my life, and regardless of events that may come to pass. This commitment is between me, life, and you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<aside class=\"css-ew4tgv\" aria-label=\"companion column\"\/><\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- ItShrt World News -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6606220950177433\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"1882483372\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\r\n<br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2025\/03\/07\/health\/melody-beattie-dead.html\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Melody Beattie, whose experiences as a drug addict, a chemical dependency counselor and the wife of an alcoholic informed a<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11240,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[1269,1635,3756,1176,3759,3758,1930,441,3757,2945],"class_list":["post-11239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health-2","tag-addiction-psychology","tag-alcohol-abuse","tag-beattie","tag-books-and-literature","tag-codependence","tag-codependent-no-more-how-to-stop-controlling-others-and-start-caring-for-yourself-book","tag-dating-and-relationships","tag-deaths-obituaries","tag-melody-1948-2025","tag-writing-and-writers"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Melody Beattie, Author of a Self-Help Best Seller, Dies at 76 - World News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, 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